Saturday, November 6, 2010

Indecisiveness is a Cruel thing

I am indecisive. I hate it. I was like this as a Me and I am worse now! It is horrible. For some it is a procrastination thing. Not for me. For me it is seriously a matter of which option is best. What will be the best outcome for me...and for other people. You could look at that as being unselfish, considering others in each decision I make. But no alas, it is not. I just have to weigh up all sides.  Is it analytical? No.  It is terrible. My husband goes bonkers. I ask him to make decisions for me to prevent the inevitable hour of anguish, but he never makes the right one. Perhaps I'm indecisive and a control freak?

What kind of decisions do I find difficult? Hhhmmmm, let me think. Yesterday, I spent an hour of my Me time trying to decide which topic I should write about (I hope I made the right decision). I don't cook dinner anymore, because I can never decide what to cook. Poor Miss E has to wait 20mins longer for any meals she gets so I can weigh up the options "If I give her pear and Carrot now, she wont want Carrot later"...really, REALLY, she is 6mths old, I don't think she is going to turn her nose up carrot twice in a day, especially after getting breastmilk ONLY for the first 4mths of her life! That is what a rational person would think...but no...not me. I spend the time debating in my head and it is only after the fact that I realise what an idiot I am being. Painful! Don't even go there with outfit decisions! That is the worst. I have even been at the point of walking out the door and then changing my mind AGAIN after three changes previously! 

We are about to re-do our house. Can you just imagine the angst I am going through even just thinking about all the permanent decisions I am going to have to make?? That is the main problem. The indecision itself doesn't bother me. Its the anxiety I feel just before a decision has to be made. Will i make the right one?  Will everyone approve of my decision? Even, will I change my mind after the decision is made?! RIDICULOUS! 

Where did this come from? My mum is a control freak, so perhaps it's a side effect of  that?  The desperation to not only make a decision, but to make the right decision? I don't think I am a perfectionist, so that can't be it. Apparently it is trait of my start sign (along with love of  expensive things). Give me the work ethic of a Capricorn or the creativity of a Pisces any day!! Really!!

(Should I finish this here? Should I keep going?  Maybe I should go and have a shower? Should Iwash my hair?) AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!

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